Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher,
    vanity of vanities; all is vanity.
    Ecclesiastes 1:2
  A giant phallus rose in the sky,
  I knew not how, still I wondered why
  Until I heard the rabbi tell the priest
  It was a sign that Someone's getting pissed.
  I thought I heard it once on CNN
  That men were sheep that only looked like men
  Until my doubts finally dispersed,
  I saw a phallus in the heavens burst--
  A giant wiener with the balls aflame
  That put my tiny private parts to shame--
  Even Geraldo, Oprah, Larry King
  Could not make sense of this humongous thing
  That's bigger than O.J. and Princess Di,
  It even made the nonbelievers cry...
  And I cried out: "Twinkle from afar,
  O giant Horn of Heaven, how huge you are,
  Bringing great terror to the bravest men--
  Is this the Judgment Day?  Is this the End?"
  And then the lightning flashed and thunder struck,
  I heard the Major tell the Captain: "Duck!"
  They ran for cover but it was too late,
  The mighty wiener didn't hesitate
  And struck its blows, going up and down again,
  Crushing America, Russia, Japan,
  China and India, Middle East, Brazil,
  Reducing all the continents to nil...
  And then the dust has settled in my eyes,
  I woke up and soon I realized
  The vanity of all the things I see
  And felt alive again and truly free.

                                              September 14, 1997
                                          --Alexander Shaumyan