PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION 2000 "Every vote counts! Keep hope alive!"
shouted Jesse Jackson
before the riled-up crowd of Democrats
in Tallahassee, Florida,
while someone noted that Al Gore
is no more Thomas Jefferson
or Abraham Lincoln
than Jesse Jackson is Martin Luther King, Jr.

"This Supreme Court decision is a disgrace!"
exclaimed the disgusted Harvard law professor
Allen Dershowitz on Geraldo,
while someone added in agreement:
"It's a travesty of justice reminiscent of the O.J. trial!
Hey, haven't I seen you on the O.J.'s dream team?"

Justice Clarence Thomas didn't say a word,
for there was no pubic hair to be found anywhere
in the Supreme Court chambers,
and the case of Bush v. Gore wasn't all that titillating--
if only Anita Hill could spice things up a bit!...
but only someone like Clinton could get away with it.

"The identity of the loser is perfectly clear,"
declared Justice John Paul Stevens with indignation.
"It's the American people who should've voted
for Ralph Nader--not for the soulless, spineless
corporate stooges like George W. Bush and Al Gore--
open the debates, you stuffy old fools!"
someone shouted, while being quickly escorted
from the court building.

"This is the case for the history books,"
said a famous presidential historian,
adding that there is nothing particularly
interesting or unusual
about either one of the two candidates.

"We have a delicate system of checks
and balances," explained a constitutional scholar,
noting that it's about time that
every American used an ATM machine to
exercise his civic and/or shopping duty.
"Democracy is nothing more than
consumer confidence. It's the economy, stupid!"

"Surely in our democratic society,
where we can all choose between Coke
and Pepsi products, we can discern
the real intent of the voters!"
said a noted social observer, pausing
for a commercial announcement.

"Yeah, if only we had a real choice
in this election!" said one very concerned citizen.
"Then we wouldn't have to watch this shit
day in and day out on television!"
But he was not the voice of the people.
He didn't vote.

                                                            December 14, 2000
                                                         --Alexander Shaumyan