WHY JOHNNY CAN'T DO MATH

He likes to watch a porno in his room,
Rewind the tape to see the close-up shots,
"My God! She does them both--what a slut!"
He thinks. Perhaps the stars, the moon

Could be romantic. But that's what Johnny likes--
He likes to watch a porno in his room,
He likes the lights, the camera that zooms
In on the action. While inside

Something's not right, something's rotten here--
It's not that he can't read. The books
He opens occasionally and burps and looks
At how he does her, and she does him. And beer

Tastes very good and very nice indeed.
The girls say: "Johnny, you're not a queer."
And Johnny likes his pornos and his beer,
And that is all that Johnny really needs.
 

                                                September 17, 1993
                                           --Alexander Shaumyan