The Holy Center of Light and Meditation

At the Holy Center of Light and Meditation
You can change your karma for a small donation
Of five hundred dollars—credit cards accepted—
Peace and Love and Condoms for HIV-infected!

At the Holy Center of Light and Meditation
You can solve your problem of too much masturbation,
Conscious or unconscious, dazed or in a slumber,
Hurry up and call them at their toll-free number!

They have books and crystals and those special classes
Where people can be happy just sitting on their asses—
Is it love you search for?  Or a new career?
Do you need an answer to your inmost fears?

Yes!  The Holy Center of Light and Meditation
Will dispel your doubts, worries and frustrations—
Does your husband beat you?  Does he get erections?
Do you need that special happiness injection?

At the Holy Center of Light and Meditation
You won't need your anti-psychotic medication,
For everything you long for, dream of and desire
Is at the Holy Center of Unholy Liars.

 
                                            July 15, 1990
                                         --Alexander Shaumyan