I do not do...

I do not do, I do not create
this hell,
This heart of mine
is little enough as it is
to swallow the tears,
I do not do, I cannot do,
I will not do,
I will walk alone, I will talk alone
to myself, to myself only,
I do not do, I cannot do,
I do not create this hell
that freezes up my insides,
No, I do not create,
I do not hate,
I want to love
but I cannot conceive
love in a place
of mannequins,
rubber people, plastic people,
money people, hungry people—
people searching for love
in lovelessness,
No, I do not do, I do not create
this hell,
I do not romanticize my nothingness,
I’m nowhere,
I’m everywhere,
alone,
I am a stone,
I am a man with a stupid hat,
with a foolish smile,
I am a man out of style,
I’m not “in” these days,
I’m out of the picture—
what is the picture?

I do not do, I cannot do,
I will not do,
I will not play a role
of a machine,
machine machine machine
I will not do, I will fight,
I will show them
my only face which is not
a face, which is not anything
at all—
do I have to be anything at all?
 

                                    February 12, 1988
                                 --Alexander Shaumyan