TO A HOPELESS ROMANTIC ON
THE NEW JERSEY TURNPIKE

O you, hopeless romantic on the New Jersey turnpike,
Why do you stand there like a lonely cherub
        before the rush hour traffic in nothing but
        your socks and underwear?
Why do you cast your dismal gaze upon the ground
        as if you've just played spin the bottle
        with ten bawdy orangutans?
O the sputnik manifestation with elephant ears,
O the blasphemy of the universe,
O the forsaken Jewish delicatessen store,
Shed some light on this wretched soul's mental
        and physical condition,
Give him strength to face this day without thorazine
        or marijuana,
Make him feel safe and protected in this world of
        inflation, high interest rates and thermonuclear
                        proliferation,
Give him million dollars worth of love and a sound mind,
Give him the right attitude of hopeful despair,
Give him birth control, mind control, weight control,
        and the hypermodern introspective anesthesia,
Give him the right moral religious upbringing of all
        the white middle-class American families,
Give him a constant cash flow, pump him up with
        the White House charisma, dress him up like
        a Republican clown,
Give him a scientific understanding of his socioeconomic
        environment,
Enlighten him on the foreign and domestic policies of the Reagan
        and other administrations,
Give him a sense of his own worth in terms of the latest
        statistical insurance figures,
Give him a cup of coffee at Dunkin Donuts and send him on
        his way to find America.

                                                                       July 13, 1986
                                                                   --Alexander Shaumyan